And we try again

I keep taking the same steps then failing and falling back.
Today I got really mad as I went through our budget and tried to figure out how to spread out the expenses I had neglected the last 4 months while sick, lovely things like emissions for the panda that were due in Sept or a new $50 lightbulb for my therapy lamp, as well as small things like a bag of socks because I need to wear my boots this winter.
I was figuring out our grocery expense (high because of my protein demand) and it occurred to me that I keep saying I need to cut out sugar (SOB) and reduce my caffeine intake (Super SOB) and yet when I did the math on the take out coffee and nearly daily purchases of candy and carby snack foods we were looking at between $75 and $100 a month on junk.
So it is time.
If my health isn’t important enough then getting this stockpile of expenses down by New Years is important to me.
I am sick of hurting so bad and realizing that my bad habits are making my health worse.
I am sick of feeling ashamed at my weight gain, I may never be under 200 pounds again but even if I got to and stayed at 220 I want to know I am the healthiest 220 person I can be.

I have to believe I can do this.

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