I feel guilty that when my illness is in a flare up there is so much I can’t do or do well, so many social events I can’t host or attend.
But when I feel better, even for an hour or two, I feel guilty because it makes me wonder if I really am anywhere near as sick as others and how did I get lucky. Then when I go into remission once in a while and only ache a lot (as opposed to hurting like hell) I wonder why me, and maybe I am not that sick, maybe I got lucky and it won’t happen again.
But it does
Sorry add brain fog to pain and spasms, then add that to pain meds and guilt and you get rambling