After my little stress eating episode where I blew 3 weeks of no sugar on crappy Reece’s peanut butter cups (which I don’t even really enjoy) I had to realize that being tired, being sore, being angry and stressed were not what CAUSED me to eat junk food (emphasis on junk) it was the EXCUSE I used to do something I knew I shouldn’t.
I have to be stronger than my excuses and every time I want to give up and binge because I am now so sore or tired I need to think “what if this had happened at 460+ pounds? For that matter how much harder would it be at even 250 to deal with whatever this is?”
I also need to remind myself that being in control of the parts of my health that I can control (diet, exercise, sleep) is the only know way to help what I think I have and that the worst part of being sick like this is feeling so out of control.
I also need to accept that I am human and not be so tough on myself.
I finally decided that being totally off all sugar all the time was going to lead to a bad binge (which might last for days and trigger SIBO again) so I made a deal with my Alex who is also trying to eat healthier… If we do good all month, both eat right (healthy, no sugar, very little sweetener and lots of water) and I exercise as much as I can, even if it is just walking around a store or on better days riding at the Y, then on one weekend morning each month we will go to the local co op or whole foods and split a specialty chocolate bar (different each time), I will bring coffee and we will go for a walk at a different part of one of the many parks in town.
This gives me multiple things to look forward to as motivation, spending time with my husband, seeing different parts of the Dozens of parks and miles and miles of greenbelt in Boise so we can take pictures and getting 1 really good treat a month. I thought of doing it weekly but each time I get to go through withdrawal symptoms again and 1 time a month is enough.
If I find it triggers my sugar cravings or makes me sick too much we can quit but I vow no more cheap crappy gas station quality candy bars even (especially) when I am in a bad/stressed mood.