Time to stop using the “Crazy little fat girl” excuse

Going to go ride bike today, hubby Alex is on vacation but my “vacation from self care” (excuse to not take care of myself) ended at Midnight with me eating some chocolate and as I nibbled it I thought “WTF T’Rina?!? It was new years day, why did you screw up already, you had a great starting point?!?”
I thought about it and realized I was following habit, bad habits, lazy habits, intentionally neglectful habits because in the spur of the (many) moments I wanted something which even if I had stopped to think about it I knew was bad for me.
The thing is I realized deep inside I don’t believe I can do better, deep inside I am that failure of a fat chick who has no willpower and a million excuses.
But that isn’t true and I need to stop justifying my failure to resist momentary gratification by breaking myself down deep inside.
Want to know what all my goals come down to?
From eating better to exercising, from organizing my life to paying off and not incurring more debt…they all come down to being mindful of how I think of myself, stopping lying to myself that I have no ability to say no, be aware of what I am doing and the consequences of either doing the wrong thing or Not doing the right thing.
Being aware of who I WANT to be and living as if that is who I already am.
Being responsible for my actions and for not allowing lousy impulse control to rule my life.
Most of all I need to be real with myself, stop playing victim in my head “Poor little crazy fat girl” and be my own inner babysitter because my inner child is a spoiled brat with a giveme giveme problem.
That is the only way any of it will work.
Time to get real.

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