A reason why

I was 450 pounds, I was 40 years old and walking like an 80 year old.  I was covered because of conditions and that was 09 and to be honest I was sort of ambivalent, not sure I wanted it.
I was told to do the 6 month diet and since I had never lost more than 22 pounds on any diet I slacked and last suppered and I F#$%ed it up so badly I GAINED 13 POUNDS in 6 months. (That is as much as a case of PBR and yes beer was a lot of it, which is funny cause I don’t like beer)
July 27th 2009, week before my open DS was scheduled I weighed at my surgeons and he said that I was already 20 pounds bigger than he preferred and now I couldn’t have surgery.
And suddenly it clicked.
I was in pain, I had scared myself by this gain, and I realized I Wanted it but was afraid to admit it.
I cried
He said if I could lose 33 pounds they would proceed, they introduced me to South Beach and for the first time ever I was dedicated.  I lost 35 pounds in 2.5 months and I chose to see how much I could lose in 6 months, I needed to prove to myself I Could Do This.
It got harder but I stuck with it and lost 52 pounds in that 6 months and scheduled for April 26th
I started dating my now husband on march 26th and my surgeon told me that in those 6 months he had become trained in laparoscopy and there was a serious chance he could do my surgery that way.
Alex was the one who took me to the hospital and he was there to help me recover and he has been there all along.
I need to remember how I felt when I was 100% determined, when I KNEW that this was life or death.  I need to get back there.


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