Letting go of anger

My goal right now is looking starkly at my greatest failings, not to abuse myself for them but because the only true way to grow is to face your mistakes, battle your demons, analyze your past…. then fix what you can and move forward towards being a better person.
I have come to a conclusion that anger is one of my greatest faults.  In fact Unreasonable Anger and Demonizing people who make me mad is a symptom of my Borderline personality disorder BUT that does NOT mean I can not work to fix it, it just means I need to work harder and be more aware when it happens.
I often get ragingly mad at someone for a while then calm down after a bit but it is very hard for me to confront them, another symptom of BPD. 
The funny thing is I am often made more angry when it becomes obvious that the person can’t see that their behavior was not OK. 
I think that because I am obsessively aware of my failings and because I am now striving to fix my faults that others should be aware of theirs as well. But then of course yet another symptom of BPD is over analyzing how people react to you and worrying that you upset them. 
I realize I am still struggling just to recognize the things about me I wish to change and it isnt as if it is happening over night so who the hell am I to expect others to be any more aware than I am when hyper awareness of that is a symptom of mine and not everyone has that particular bundle of emotional pain in the ass.
So I now have a new policy, I am not allowed to maintain anger and resentment at anyone that I am unwilling to confront about their actions. 
I will either inform them of why I am upset or simply limit their inclusion in my life if, as is so often the case, I think the person is not just oblivious of what it is about their actions that bothered me but that they would hold my daring to be upset at them against me.
I will try to let my resentment go since it is a trait in others I find horribly toxic and more than anything I wish to not be toxic to others or myself.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s