Good step

I am proud of myself right now.
I am stressed, tired, sore and frustrated and I have given up sugar and booze but  wanted both so bad.
When I gave up booze this week I got all of it out of the house except for a few little bottles of whiskey so I got up out of my second attempt at a relaxing bath and made a huge glass of warm milk with vanilla, Chai and 2 small bottles of 80proof whiskey. It took a few minutes and I stood there wet and freezing because there is a fan in the kitchen and then climbed back into my hot tub of water
I took a sip and it tasted OK but all I could think of is “I haven’t even made it a week this time” and “if I give up this easy why even try?”
I flushed the entire thing down the toilet and to be honest I am more pissed off about the 20 oz of milk and the last of my Chai syrup.
I am not giving in.
Time to reevaluate my plans for what to do this weekend, obviously working over night to clean isnt happening nor is staying up til dawn to take photos
Sleeping now and getting up at a reasonable hour to clean will have to be the plan.
I can’t get frustrated about what I can’t do, I can’t let myself feel guilt to the point of punishing myself
Those days are over


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s