Drinking, time to quit

I haven’t been black out drunk in over 5 years, last night I was, I have been drinking a lot lately, a crap shoot with my altered anatomy as I never know how it will effect me and it could have put me in a coma.
How you know you have a problem, you wake up not remembering last night, so sick you can’t hold down water, every muscle and joint aches and your partner asks you to not drink if they are not there and you think “I can try but no promises”
I have literally thought that I should stay with a medicine that may not be working because I can drink with it and probably won’t be able to with another.
In the long run I am the only one who can protect myself, my husband can’t be there all the time and addiction runs deep in my family.
The idea of not drinking scares me but I have to figure out if dying scares me more or not.
In the last 4-5 months my alcohol consumption has gotten worse and worse and despite more exercise I have also gained 15-20 pounds (and no it isn’t muscle weight)
Im not sure but I have been reading about how it can affect people and worst of all people who have had my type of weight loss surgery. 
I absorb sugar differently than most people do and my body reacts oddly to it.  As it is alcohol is an altered sugar and normal bodies absorb it fast and I absorb it faster than most which is why I get very drunk, very quickly.
The problem then comes from the fact that it increases my sugar cravings for days, messes with my metabolism for longer than it does most people and makes me tired for days afterwards sometimes.
I have been talking about going low carb and giving up all simple sugar for a while and each time a voice in my head says “yeah but not booze right”  It is hard to stop sugar when drinking booze makes my cravings so much worse.
My goal by the end of this year is to have much of this bounce in my weight off and increase my muscle mass and cutting back or quitting drinking might help me but I have to accept I can’t drink like a normal person ever again.


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