Le sigh

It feels as if I have eaten so much today but I haven’t eaten as many calories today as a dinner out would be for Joe Average these days…and yet I feel guilty.
I am in this weird place where if I eat too much I gain (less than most people eat every day), if I eat too little I stall (and the difference is as little as 400 calories) too much of certain foods and my insides hate me, not enough and I gain and get sick.
There is some magic, super precarious balancing act and I can’t seem to find it.
Even my weight loss surgery specialist says all I can do is keep trying to find balance, trying to stay healthy and exercise as much as my knees and stamina will let me because at this point it is my only hope.
So yeah I am frustrated, and yeah I know it is wrong to let it bug me but I am human and I feel like I am messing up every step of the way weight wise.
I know I just have to keep trying, hope stabilizing my vitamin level will help and not quit.  As it is I am afraid to even make changes in my psyche meds because of fear of weight gain


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