How can you stand knowing you might never be thin

Someone asked me how I could stand still being “Plus Size” when I lost so much weight? How can I stand that my “goal weight” of 175 would make me still obese? Don’t I want to wear a size that isn’t a L with or without an X and a number?
I didn’t lose the weight for clothes, and while it is tons easier to find L and 1XL clothes I think the issue is why isn’t it as easy to find nice stuff in 3-4XL as it is in 1XL where smaller sizes go to 1XL and larger sizes start there? I didn’t go through surgery to fit a smaller bra or smaller pants, I went through it because I could barely walk through a store to find clothes.
I didn’t lose it for my looks, in fact it has been difficult to get used to the changes and often I am very hard on myself but I also didn’t lose it to be self hating and sometimes I forget that.  I had many people who admired my looks as a super sized model and now the only other person than myself whose opinion about my looks matters married me and still looks at me as if I hung the moon.  I am the one who needs to accept the changes and not judge myself harshly.
I lost the weight, I had my insides altered, because I was crippled and quickly getting worse.
it was a valid choice just as someone choosing not to lose weight or not to gain weight is a valid choice.
If I have plastic surgery it will be mostly for relieving my pain and improving my mobility not so I can wear perky bras but so that my neck doesn’t get worse.
When I worry about gaining a few pounds it is not a judgment on others, but when I deem myself even for a moment as “worthless” it is a judgment against myself and others, when I whine because I feel that I look old now it implies that there is something inherently wrong with being older. 
I don’t in fact have to love my looks every minute of every day but if I want to find a good place in my life, contentment, happiness and joy I do need to accept that this is who I am and that any choices I make from hair color to reconstructive surgery is a valid choice without self hatred fueling it.


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