Expectations and disappointments

Lesson learned Today: don’t expect more from others simply because you are willing to give more, to care more, to do more, to try more and/or be there for them more than they either can or will be for you. 
No matter how much you do if you make it into a contest you will lose.
If you do something like clean or give something, a compliment, a gift or a helping hand expecting something in return than you didn’t GIVE it, you sold it, and if the other person doesn’t for whatever reason give you what you want, even just thanks or an ego boost, then you have made them even just thanks or an ego boost, then you have made them a thief, even if only in your mind, and that breeds resentment.
If you do things from a place of resentment to “Show them” you will only get hurt. This really fits into the cleaning the house thing. “They never do their part so I will clean it up and be pissed off and they will feel bad” Ummmmm no, they won’t. If you don’t tell them what you need and why, if you are not honest then don’t expect them to help. (I learned cleaning without anger, just doing the parts I can without bitching at my partner is easier on ME than filling myself with resentment and it puts me in a better mindset for when I need to say “here is what I NEED you to do and here is when I NEED it done” then I can tell him that without anger. He doesn’t feel the same frustration about these things as I do, he doesn’t feel the need to do them NOW and my expectations that he should just put me in a ragingly bad mood)
The thing is the only person you should have real expectations of is yourself. You are the only person whose actions, intentions and behavior’s you can honestly hope to control. And even when others constantly do hurtful or neglectful thing it is Your choice how you behave and even to keep them in your life.
The trick is don’t disappoint yourself by allowing the fact that others don’t live up to your expectations of how YOU hope to behave, chances are they have no clue and much like gifts if you have to ask for Thanks or Ego Boosts they have less meaning and you will just be hurt when they are not what you believed you needed.


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