Trying to hold on


I just need to vent for a minute before I lose it.
Here is why I am stressed out….
We let AAA lapse for 2 fucking weeks, I pay it on Friday but that doesn’t help today.
So of course when Alex is already late for work he blows a tire on the Panda and the spare is crap and the jack won’t work.
His dad used his AAA to get it put on but we don’t know if the tire will make it two more days.
For now that broken down POS is our only car.
The Lumina still hasn’t been fixed because the money we had hoped would come by last week has been delayed and it might be another month (or more)
There are so many other things i need fixed it isn’t funny, we are responsible for certain repairs in our house as part of our rent
I have so many plans that are on hold and I don’t have a clue when they will happen.
Someone I care about keeps telling me “wow you look so tired and drawn out, are you sleeping, do you feel ok cause it is really showing on your face.” Which just makes me self conscious and anxious about not just my health but my looks but I can’t tell them to fucking stop it because they would take it super personally
It also doesn’t help that I am tired, I am worn out and my body is reacting to me making massive changes in what we eat. I gave up pretty much all dairy and I am trying to figure out ways to make up the protein I now am missing and despite reducing my calories by nearly 300-500 a day I am pretty much stalled weight wise
I am worried about family and friends having a hard time and I really can’t seem to help and that is really hard for me to accept.
I need to clean out the room our housemate was using and completely redo my art room but I want it done right and I feel a lot of pressure to get it and the garage (a fucking disaster) dine ASAP
A ton of other people’s drama from multiple sources recently tried to drown me and I don’t know if I can handle anymore without hurting someone badly
My stress level is HIGH and my ability to deal with outside stress (other people causing drama and stirring up shit, financial woes etc..) is LOW

Like I said I just needed to vent, I know others have it much worse than me but this is what *I* have to deal with and I already feel enough guilt for letting it effect me so much 


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