This is why I hate calorie counting

This is why I HATE calorie counting, today was a bottomless pit kind of day, I just don’t seem able to get full despite plenty of fiber, I just feel so hungry.
I am over my calorie goal and instead of making me not eat I want to pig out (I’m not doing that but man do I want too)
I am way way up on my protein (good) high in my carbs (not good but none of it was candy or sweets/plain sugar) and I exercised a lot and with my type of weight loss surgery I still haven’t absorbed 1800 calories but it scares me that I can eat so much even with my tiny stomach.  Every day out from my surgery it gets harder to lose and I am struggling to get under 190 again (I was 182 for a bit)..and now I feel guilty for gaining despite the fact that this month I lost an average of 4.5 pounds.
I should go for another walk but I walked a lot today and tomorrow is a very long day that starts with a mile long walk and is physically busy from there and I am a wimp and want to use my sore bruised foot as an excuse to be lazy.
Maybe if I could just sleep.
Tomorrow I am adding 20 oz of water to my 80 I aim for over everything else I drink, maybe it will help.
I am going to do 2 weeks without counting, eating healthy and no sugary stuff, I think I am actually eating more because I am obsessing.  Because I am forgetful I am going to use my note pad to write down just what I ate and the time such as:
7am protein coffee and milk
8am slice of cheese, half an apple
9:45 coffee and 8oz milk

This way I know I am eating but not focused on weighing every bite.  Whatever I weigh tomorrow morning my goal in 2 weeks is to be 2 pounds smaller.
Also I will put out 2 apples a day..1 medium Fuji and a small Granny Smith, no more than that and try to eat less, also I won’t be buying even on clearance bags of high sugar fancy apples. 
We’ll see how it goes.

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