Samhain is a really good day to start anew, but then really any day is a good day to change paths that are leading you astray.
The problem is I think way too much about WHY I do things and I really need to be thinking about how to stop doing them, establish new habit and THEN examine why I did the things in the first place so that it doesn’t keep happening.
It is like cleaning a very messy house, you can think about why the house got so messy all you want but if you don’t start actually unfucking the mess it will simply get bigger while you look for the reason and when you find that reason the mess will still be there. On the other hand if you establish new habits and start fixing things, and keep fixing things you will be in a better frame of mind to figure out what caused you to let it get so bad and you are already halfway to making sure it doesn’t happen again.
So I am without question addicted physically to sugar but why is it so mentally hard for me to resist despite the mental guilt and physical discomfort I know I will suffer?
Well I can sit here with a couple candy bars analyzing WHY I eat sugar on a mental level OR I can stop eating sugar as quickly as I can, depend on the lessening of the physical addiction to clear my mind and make it so that I can examine the mental reasons without that mess weighing me down.
I know which one I think might actually work.
So I want to know why I am such a compulsive spend thrift, but if I force myself not to spend recklessly maybe the guilt I feel will lessen enough that I can begin unfucking my bad habit of spending every nickel I get my hands on as soon as I can and actually figure out what drives me so hard to waste money.
If I feel guilt about not exercising the first step is to just exercise and not allow excuses to get in the way and THEN I can figure out why it is so hard to stick with a plan.
It is time for action and after I establish new habits I can take the time to understand the why I keep messing up.