Blanket fort…I wish

A friend mentioned wanting to make a blanket fort and hide from being an adult which made me think that I should make my own fort but I have so much shit to do, that I don’t have the energy or motivation to do so….despite having enough blankets to put a large band comfortably to bed.
I am trying to handle life better today but I am short on NICE and Give a Fucks where most people and their problems, egos and demands are concerned today because I am barely making my own life work out and I feel like I am failing left and right.
I am sick of feeling as if I am walking (limping) on eggshells all the time lest I hurt someone’s feelings or insult them because the pain is making me perma cranky and no one deserves to have me jump down their throat. 
I am a bit overwhelmed right now with the fear that I am not healing right, I have a lot of pain that should be gone by now and wanting to be off of pain meds but not being able to sleep because of pain. I feel out of control with sugar and it is a good thing I have to stay sober because of the booze causing/increasing painful nerve spasms now or I would be drinking myself stupid.  I hate addiction, and I am facing the fact that I have many of them.
I am realizing I can’t bend my leg nearly enough and when I do the pain is extreme and there are so many other problems to deal with, money issues, health issues…along with taking care of the grandma who kept me sane all these years and who has stage 4 cancer and had to put her sweet old kitty down today and realizing that I no longer have her as a sounding board…she is there but not the person she was a few years ago.
So yeah most of my NICE is being used up today and no promises about tomorrow

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