Dear Body…an open note

Dear body (but most especially you oh entire left leg and foot)
There is so much I want to do, so much I want to accomplish, including getting all of our parts healthy and happy and strong, so it is time for you to get with the plan.  I am tired of the pain, how can we heal when we can barely walk some days due to pain despite it being nearly 8 weeks since surgery? 
I am trying to be positive and stay motivated, I really am, but it is so hard when any thing I do sends you into a temper tantrum of pain and exhaustion.
I try to stay in a good mood but when I don’t know day to day or hour to hour how you will react to any exertion on my part or even to me laying down longer than you seem to think I tend to get fussy and take things personally and it embarrasses me to lose control that way.
I try to keep up with even simple household chores, simple walking while shopping and the most basic exercises, I fight tooth and nail to not give into the desire to overdo and yet I fail over and over because I never know anymore what is too much from one day to the next.
I need to eat healthy to heal but you react to everything as if I am feeding you something foul but you only crave sugar and still punish me when I give in to your demands.
I want to do so much, create, enjoy life, hell just clean my house once in a while so the amazingly patient man who married me and who works his as off doesn’t need to do everything all the time or get snapped at when the pain is too much. 
But you make it so hard on us, just let me know what to do to make it better and I will do it…do you want me to exercise? Should we rest? Is there a happy medium?
Sorry to whine but I fear it will never get better and I have discovered that being so close to being better and facing the fear that it won’t happen is far worse somehow than when I thought I had no choices and would never be better.
OK done whining.


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