Working my way out of the storm

Doing better, I think I messed up my meds the last few days and have let stress and worry get to me, I am worried about…
Grandma’s health issues and the fact I won’t be around to help her, she was diagnosed with cancer again and will start chemo about the same time as my surgery.
My upcoming surgery, not really afraid of the surgery itself but I know the pain in store for me.
I will be gone for 3-4 werks of rehab time, and hate only seeing my hubby a handful of hours a week for most of a month
I am stressing about missing my pre op appointment Friday and that if they can’t fit me in by Wednesday I may have to reschedule everything
Worrying about all the bruises that are showing up on my legs and feeling so weak, anemia would derail my plans also
Being upset about my weight (up 12 pounds from my 1 day low of 189…I want to be at least 197 because that is 25 pounds less than my last surgery)
Feeling as if I am failing with my exercise and with eating right even though I’m trying to
And not sleeping well

It all adds up and I need to calm down and relax
I am stepping back and taking a look at it all, there are some things I can control and others I cant, to be honest most of them except my eating and exercise ( and conversely my weight) are kind of out of my control right now.
I NEED to get this knee done and now is the best time.
It will hurt but so did the first one and now it barely aches and that was less than 4 months ago so I can get through this, also Alex’s summer hours mean I can see him more than if we had to wait til September when he goes back on swing shift.
I can’t control the hospital and if they can get me in to a pre op appointment in time I just have to be ready to go.
Grandma has at least half her family practically fighting over helping her in all aspects of her life.
I can eat better and be more careful with my meds but it won’t change my blood work in the next week so I just need to do it for me so that maybe I will feel better.
Now I just have to spend the next 8 days getting a grip on my food issues and exercise and if I lose 5 pounds great if not oh well…I will still be 20 pounds smaller than 4 months ago.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s