Something people don’t get about my mental illness

I should explain something that people without mental illness don’t usually get and people with it often forget…when I say I can’t be social because I might say what I am thinking especially about others you need to realize/remember that I in the middle of a mental and emotional shit storm right now, and it is as if there is a tornado ratcheting around inside my brain and body.  My mind feels foreign and ominous to me like the way the world looks right before a dangerous storm tears through.  For the last while I have only had small bouts of stormy weather but it feels as if my mind is host to tornado alley this week.  I can feel the intensity of the storms building and all I can do is hope they don’t get worse. The problem is just like when the entire world around you looks “wrong” in that orangish turid light before a storm my thoughts are volatile and altered by the storm.iny mind and what I am thinking today is tainted by that.
It is almost like being possessed by a dark, nasty, cynical, hateful version of yourself that makes “bitchy” an understatement.  I feel as if I am out of control, as if I will do or say things so horrible I won’t be the same afterwards.
I see people I care about say things on line that on any other given day I would be cheering on or offering support and instead my inner “grumpy cat” takes over with snide remarks except it is grumpy tiger and it is out for the kill so I just don’t say anything.
This isn’t me, it isn’t who I choose to be, I hate feeling this way, I am the “nice one” and I prefer it that way.
I will ride out this storm and be myself again but it might take time.


One thought on “Something people don’t get about my mental illness

  1. lauramacky says:

    You explained it well. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. Hugs to you and I hope the storm lets up soon.

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