Some days I don’t fit in the world

My husband is at a picnic, I can’t go because I …..
#1 hurt, all week long both of my knees hurt and now my stomach is following suit
#2 I can’t eat anything left (can’t eat gluten, carbs or anything with msg in it, sort of describes a picnic once the burgers are gone huh)
#3 I have been sort of perpetually exhausted for over a week
#4 I am not in a good head space, don’t know if it is stress about the surgery and the fact that I missed my pre op appointment and if they can’t get me in by Tuesday afternoon they may reschedule or if I just slacked on some meds and dont know it or the fact that I gained 10 pounds and can’t seem to lose it despite not eating simple carbs or gluten for most of a month….so many things are ganging up on me right now and making me grumpy which I feel I am not really allowed to be if I don’t want people constantly mad at me. I try to always keep the less pleasant of my thoughts to myself but today bitch would not too strong of a word actually for how I feel.

I am worried that this is not going to be short term and also scared that because I am so exhausted I might be anemic which would also kill my surgery that is 10 days from now.
So I am hiding in a dark room, too bitchy to really interact with even people on Facebook if I want to keep my friends, too exhausted and sick to my stomach to get anything to eat, I may just make a protein drink and hope it keeps me going a bit longer.
I am thinking of taking my last Valium and seeing if sleep helps.

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One thought on “Some days I don’t fit in the world

  1. lauramacky says:

    Aww I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. I’ll say a prayer for you and hope that tomorrow lifts some of the blues. Hugs.

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