Will I ever have a sane and stable relationship with food?

I think I may be stuck always having a skewed, impulse ridden relationship with food. It is sad but the best thing food wise since my DS is realizing my Gluten Intolerance has gotten so bad and that the long term pain/discomfort from even small amounts just isn’t ever going to be worth the pain (the last straw is the ear ache…I HATE ear aches because I had so many of them)
But there will always be things like sugar, even dried fruit, that even knowing it will upset my guts I will be tempted to not just eat but binge on.  Last night despite knowing that much fruit would do me in I ate about 3 oz of dried apples, about 5 apples worth and was miserable all night, so even with something “healthy” I can’t seem to control mindless munchies.
I finally understand what it means to say “I am a carb addict” it means that I must simply not have it around and if we ever indulge it has to be tiny, controlled amounts that don’t come into the house.
I don’t think it will ever be easy and I accept that I am a serious candidate for regain if I am not careful….but being aware of that fact I can fight it.
The weird thing is I am not obsessed with food like I was before anymore.  Before surgery I plotted and planned out my goodies and would sometimes feel driven to have them no matter what.  Then for the first year or so after surgery I was so guilty no matter what I ate, every bite good or bad was guilt.
Maybe it is because I had DS and have to eat a bit more that I don’t really feel guilt over any “allowed” foods, meats, cheeses, milk, lite yogurt, peanut butter, nuts.
Anymore I seldom obsess over sweets ,(think about/plan to have) I just do it out of this horrible, thoughtless spur of the moment head hunger/habit.
Oh we went to the store…buy a candy bar
Oh we are at coffee….buy a danish (thankfully no more of those)
Oh we went to dinner…hey they have mini desserts
The worst part is I DONT THINK I JUST DO…and now I just have to stop.
The Gluten intolerance is at least making me stop and think but I am scared there will always be the next treat that doesn’t make me quite sick enough to stop me…you would think toxic gas would be bad enough but I wish I still got the stomach pain I use to after surgery as well..but then that alone was never enough because it would pass too quickly if gluten didn’t make me sick for a week I would probably ignore it too


2 thoughts on “Will I ever have a sane and stable relationship with food?

  1. Jackie says:

    Research what eating foods you have an IgG allergy to does to your body. Whenever I begin to crave one of my IgG allergy/intolerant foods, I force myself to look up that type of information first. It makes it I appealing.

    Also, for the binges… An idea is to write a letter to your about-to-binge self from your post-binge self about how it makes you feel physically and emotionally.

  2. lauramacky says:

    I completely understand the issue with food. I’m working on recovering from my latest addiction in a line of addictions and now food seems to be the last one to tackle. I’m a snacker. I think I eat fairly healthy but I just eat too much! When I’m bored I eat, when I’m happy I eat, blah blah. I also eat way too fast. I look at my husband and he has none of these issues. It’s so frustrating!

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