Body and soul

I use to be over 450 pounds and I modeled nude nd was comfortable with my body because I was told by a certain group of people that I was sexy and I let that effect me and how I saw myself. 
But I have lost 265 and while at 198 pounds I am still officially fat I have not been comfortable in my skin which is rather saggy actually (understatement alert)
Anyway much of this last month was spent in orthopedic rehab and I had to have monitored showers so that I didn’t fall. 
My first one was with a man (gay but a man still) who had to sit there and make sure I could work the shower sprayer and not fall off the shower chair.
For about 2 minutes I was embarrassed then the joy of my first shower in 5 days hit me and I could have cared less…we chatted and realized he knew my mom and my shower went by quickly.
In the 3 weeks I was there I had 9 showers and 3 skin checks (nurse checking for cuts and bruises everywhere visible) and for the first week I had to call a CNA to take me to the bathroom and until the 5th day when I was cleared as stable enough I had to have the door open.
I lost all shame or embarrassment about this body, about my saggy baggy skin.   My husband has always loved me regardless and now I understand why, you see I am not my body, I am a spirit (or mind or whatever it is that makes me me if you prefer) in a body.  This body, no matter the size does not define my worth or my value and I won’t let myself forget that. 

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