What if I told you…

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I have been afraid to go forward with getting my knees replaced for a lot of reasons, one of which is pain, but a few months in hell, pain wise, for taking a chance at making things better has got to be better than a lifetime in a painful purgatory being punished for what you were not brave enough to do at all.
My knees will not get better by themselves, even if I lost another 80 pounds they will hurt for life without being replaced, I also don’t think I can actually lose more weight without being able to move easier.
I am now thinking of pain like grains of sand filling buckets…a slow but increasingly painful trickle over the next 15 to 20 years will be far more suffering than a short deluge that may give me peace and comfort for the next 15-20 years.
I want to live a long time and part of that is me losing weight and I don’t think I can without being able to move more, what would the point of going through weight loss really be if I still end up immobile? I want to walk with my husband and not be a burden on him.
3 years ago on April 26th 2010 I had most of my stomach removed and my upper intestine rerouted and since then I have lost nearly 200 pounds (I had lost 52 pounds before surgery so I weighed 411 when I went in and I am between 212 and 217 now) 4 and a half years ago I asked myself basically the same question, do I want to be in the same condition and most likely worse in 10 years if I last that long? I realized I was more afraid of the consequences of standing still in the middle of the battle my life was than I was to fight to win. 
Now I realize that I am only half done with this battle, time to fight on the second front and win back my mobility and vanquish pain.  I can’t let doubt cause me to surrender without trying.

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2 thoughts on “What if I told you…

  1. Jackie says:

    That was a very powerful quote you started out with! I think your mindset is accurate about the knee replacement. It will be temporary pain for long term pleasure! If you could lose that 200+ pounds, I believe in you to get through this too!

  2. lauramacky says:

    I just had my knee replaced 2-1/2 months ago and blog about it as well. My two pieces of advice….first find a good surgeon of course. Then, and this is sooo important…get a good physical therapist! I’m on my second therapist because the first one was not getting my leg straight. I also joined Weight Watchers just yesterday. We have things in common here!

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