Confession time: I am really afraid to have my knees replaced

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I’m not even sure what all I am afraid of, I have been very lucky and recovered easily from every surgery I have had, I hate pain but goodness knows this last weekend showed me just how bad it can get and the pain from the surgery probably won’t last as long as this pain could. The pain from recovery most likely would have an end, the pain I have now will just get worse.
I know the physical therapy will be hell and I wish I could lose 20 more pounds to get under 200 but I am sort of stalled between 212 and 218 and have been for months and I am not sure I can wait much longer.  I also think I may have lost all that I can without seriously increasing my ability to exercise, also I am still at a point where as long as I eat well and cut out sugar I can mostly maintain my weight if I was unable to walk as much for a few months but who knows how much longer my metabolism will be that effective.
I am walking more and doing more than I ever have as an adult and I love it, what I do not love is that after a week of doing less than half what an average person would do I spend a few days totally crippled up.  I hate that pain medicine is such a major part of my life and that so many things I WANT to do I can’t. 
Scars don’t bother me as much as wishing I could do more with my husband and friends and not end up holding them back or hating life for days after.  (By the way the scars are horrendous and I need both knees done)
I see my orthopedist in early March and I think I will call and ask to schedule extra time for a surgical consultation.

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