Missing them, missing part of me

I miss so many of my friends, I mean they are still friends but they have moved or just moved on to busier parts of their lives or parts that don’t really involve me.
I see them on Facebook, I know what is happening in their lives and they seem so much more interesting than anything I could ever be.
I see them for a moment or two in town at random and it isn’t the same, even when they live close it just isn’t like it use to be.  The comfortable feeling of what I once thought was there is gone, I still love seeing them but it feels as if all we do is play catch up.  I feel as if I bore them, as if I bore everyone these days. I feel as if things can never be the way they were once, maybe though they never were that way.  I feel lonely a lot these days despite being so happy with my husband.
I guess when you get down to it part of that is me.
I know I need to open up and make more friends, not to replace the old ones but to add to my life, but I just don’t seem to have the energy for it much anymore….I don’t feel that I have much to offer the kind of people I want to know, I feel boring.
I love artist and creative people, I have so little with most people in their 40s, our lives are so different but then my life is different from so many of the younger people I think I would get along with. I want to know and hang out with artists but the fact is I feel so untalented, like such a hack that it pulls me back.
Maybe I am becoming a boring old lady, I feel sort of lost between two realities, who I am now and who I wish I was.


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