Exhaustion

As usual I can’t sleep from pain, it is neurological and as such little if anything except doping my self into oblivion gets rid of it.  Tylenol and diclofenac sodium (topical) relieves some of the muscle and joint pain related to it and Gabapentin takes the edge off the spasms but once I relax, lay in bed or sleep the pain starts getting bad enough to break through it all.
Standard wisdom says that sleep will help and it does in that exhaustion makes the  neuropathy worse but for some reason relaxing off my feet or even sitting long in the same place will start the pain and spasms off. 
It is a vicious cycle, pain keeps me awake, if I get up and move around the spasms stop but my knees are so bad after a while on my feet they hurt, I lay down because I am exhausted and the pain and spasms keep me awake making the pain and spasms worse.
My body hates most pain relief meds, NSAID drugs (antiinflammatory drugs) can destroy my altered stomach, Tramadol and Norco/Vicadin makes me bitchy and mean and unhappy for the next day, morphine makes me vomit and darvacept, percocept and related drugs make me suicidally depressed.
I honestly try to except the pain as part of my life, since it is related to damaged nerves it is possible that even knee replacement surgery wont cure it though the added pain from the knees should improve.
I try to be grateful that I am as healthy as I am, that I lost the weight and I know it would be so much worse if I had not, I am sure I would be crippled by now.  I try but chronic pain and exhaustion has a way of wearing you out, stripping you down and making you cranky and distracted. I try but after only 2 hours of sleep repeatedly everything starts to ache and it takes a lot of work not to crumble into a bitter angry mess.
I will keep trying to be calm, happy and philosophical about this, I will keep trying to eat and drink right to help as much as I can and I will keep trying to sleep.

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