Borderline Personality Disorder is like Emotional PTSD

There are some people from my past that I will never forgive, their betrayal over and over scarred me, making me fear things with no basis. At random and for stupid reasons I will suddenly be plagued with doubt and fear and it feels like a physical pain, as if a flaming fist has reached in my chest and is squeezing my heart, it honestly hurts and for a moment my lungs empty as if I was struck and my head feels as if it was full of hornets.
It is as if I have Emotional PTSD…which is the best way to describe how Borderline feels…as if no matter how safe I am, how loved and protected I will always have that fear deep inside.
I know I will never forgive some of those people but I hope I can someday forgive Myself for allowing them to hurt me over and over and for not protecting myself like I deserved.

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