Anxiety Ramblings

I am sorry for all the posts about anxiety and pain, personally I believe that emotional stress and mental unrest can make physical pain more acute and make it seem more intense.  I am horribly stressed about getting out of our apt and into the house which just doesnt seem to be getting done getting ready for us fast enough.  Our landlord is trying but it seems that things keep coming up to be fixed.  We pay rent tomorrow but cant really move in til Friday evening though we have been able to store stuff in the garage.
Basically we have one weekend to move our own stuff and maybe some other stuff, not sure and lets be honest I am not a lot of help physically, thankfully we have wonderful friends who are offering to help us move on Saturday.
We need to have the furniture out so that we can wash walls that they will simply wash again as after 8 years they all need painting, clean carpets that will need replacing after 8 years and we will need to scrub floors, the tub and every surface free of 8 years of just plain living since I am pretty sure they will try to charge me for everything they can even though their own policy says they replace stuff after 5 years no matter what.  We have a $600 deposit and I will not be shocked if I dont see a dime and they try to get more out of me.
The stress of moving is a big reason I stayed so long, but  I really desperately hate the apt complex we live in, the density of people which has increased over the last 2 years as apts fill up with ridiculous amounts of people is more than I can stand. There are 2 bedroom units with 7 plus people living in them and they are not all immigrants, and while I know that people dont have much choice right now when you multiply it by 169 units in a relatively small place with only 135 parking spaces it is horrible.
In the last few years I have tried to have things fixed or replaced and they simply gerryrig them and tell me they are fixed and that they will not replace anything including the dishwasher that screams or the stove that cooks way faster than it should or the front door handle that keeps coming loose because it is stripped or the backdoor screen that you have to struggle to lock.
I am fighting against chronic fatigue, Adult-ADD, Arthritis, as well as anxiety and stress disorders and facing the fact that I have been very slack and lax on the deep cleaning and staying organized, nothing is “dirty” but things are stained due to not being deep cleaned for 8 years, and packing should have been so much easier than it has been.
I just want to make it to Sunday and take a day off, then I can try to get the house clean, despite the fact I want to say fuck it and let the sue me for the cleaning fees.  Just as I am getting desperate and need help my mom’s part time job goes back to super stressful 6 days a week full time and she can’t help as much.  If we have everything out by the 19th from our apt, from the garage we use and the garage my friend uses then I will have 10 days to clean the apt when I would rather be setting up my new place.
After the 1st of Sept I get to wait to see if they do sue us and I am giving myself a day (oct 13th) to at least have part of the house unpacked and decorated so that I can have a party there.  Maybe I am crazy but I feel if I dont hve some kind of deadline I will never be unpacked.

Anyway I an done rambling


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