Feel like i am drowning in 3 inches of water

This is a little bit of a vent about how crazy things are in my life right now …feel free to skip

I will be honest I feel as if I am drowning a bit
The move is coming up fast and I am only about half done sorting and packing and Alex really can’t help much since most of it is my stuff and he has no clue how to pack AND there is a fan convention in a town 22 miles away the first weekend in Aug that he is volunteering for and I volunteered months ago to cook for the staff of 40-50 people and take them from my house to there every day.
So my time to pack has a huge hole between Aug 1 and Aug 6th
For daily means I am making 4 HUGE 1 pot meals with smaller Gluten free versions all mostly from scratch (chili and cornbread, chili mac and cheese, rotini and spaghetti sauce and rotini and hamburger with mushroom soup..GF/no mushroom sauce for that small one) I have all but the small white sauce cooked
On top of that I am catering the “Dead Dog Party” the end of the event after load out everyone so tired they just want to eat dinner at 2 am monday morning at the hotel so I have to take everything ready to be put together there…
2 pots of crock pot lasagna,
3 trays of cheap and cheesy enchiladas (cheating by using frozen burritos and tons of sauce and cheese and baking)
a 2qt crockpot of cheesy broccoli brown rice,
a cold crab salad,
2 crustless 9×13″ quiches,
a cold brown rice and veggie salad
an Italian Pasta Salad (both with Italian dressing and frozen stirfry)
and drinks

I also already made 200+ breakfast muffins and MIGHT be making cereal bars
I CAN DO THIS, I HAVE TO

on top of that i have tons of packing to do so I have been making up to do lists for a week and if I get to the end of the list I give myself 3 or 4 hours to craft then write the list for the next week.  Part of me says dont waste teh time and part of me knows I will hurt someone if I dont get a break, namely me and my psyche

Current craft is a shower over curtain to go over the clear plastic one…. I am using a heavy white sheet, Elmer’s blue school glue as a resist, the last of the purple and pink/red alcohol ink I made earlier splattered on it and then I am drawing SIMPLE sugar skulls all over it then dying it Dark SCARLET with IDye and washing the glue out THEN using a couple of black sharpies doing a few more MUCH more detailed sugar skulls over it at random, then spraying it with lysol and scotch guarding it.
If I sucks it will be a drop cloth

I am trying to do all this while suffering really bad from Chronic fatigue and depression induced muscle atrophy (I dealt with my depression over dad’s death 2 months ago by shutting down and not pushing myself to exercise hardly at all and since I lost so much during the last 2 years Im prone to lose muscle mass really badly) I am having to start from scratch, just trying to walk enough to push my muscles with out killing my knees.  This explains my exhaustion, my loss of appetite which just makes it worse, my dizzy spells and body rushes, not being able to sleep well and my weakness which has just gotten worse and worse over the last month.  I have to do things 20 mins at a time and rest for an hour+ right now.

I feel like I failed myself and I am scarred to fail others

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3 thoughts on “Feel like i am drowning in 3 inches of water

  1. sweetpea2200 says:

    We all need a release, thank you for sharing. However, when you feel you fell, you are getting up, dusting yourself off, and getting back on the horse again as my Papa would say, and that is the important part.

    And, might a suggest allowing you husband to help to pack together.

    • trinaxxl says:

      I am letting him pack it is just half the stuff in the entire house that needs packing is not just MY stuff but my art supplies and they are a mess that i need to try to sort out. After the events between now and Monday I told him I will need 2 hours a day uninterrupted time from him to get ready between then and the 18th of Aug

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