Sept 11 … remembering, living, loving, How not to let terror win the day

Sept 11th 2001

I was even then not watching tv, I had grown to hate TV and my ex found this funny and would try to get me to watch… I got on line that morning and he said “a plane just flew into the world trade center, oh my god I think one just flew into tower two go check your tv”
I said “If this is a joke to get me to turn on the tv it is sick”
I did not turn the tv off for 3 days, I cried most of that time and then turned it off for the majority of the last 10 years… The emotions were real but after a while it felt as if the press was pushing, trying to wring out the tears.
I believe it was a horrible event made much worse by the press to the point that people who were not even there sometimes suffered a mild form of PTSD and anxiety.  We live in a world that is made worse by our own sensational natures and the presses need for ratings.

Sept 11 2010

Alex and I had been dating just under 6 months, I had never felt safer, had fewer doubts or felt more loved and the thought of marriage, something I had avoided thinking about most of my life and sure as hell for the 10 years since I was once engaged (more or less) for a short while, had been seeping into my mind.

We had a party to go to and I became tired as I sometimes do (after surgery my sleep got weirder than ever and I sometimes feel a if the cord has been pulled on my energy) so we went home and laid down for a while.   For some reason we began talking about marriage and handfasting and the next thing I knew we had agreed to do it a few days after my 1 year surgery anniversary and 1 year and a month after we started dating.

Some people might ask why we would go to a party on the sept 11th much less get engaged but the fact is we have to go on living life to the fullest or the terrorist win.  That is how terrorism works, it is not the damage they do to buildings, the loss of lives at the time, it is in fact the loss of LIVES, the ability to live, to enjoy LIFE, to have faith in your safety and be fearless that they want to take from us.  That is what terrorism is about, changing how we see the world, filling us with terror and making us afraid.

I believe that if we give up on life for even one day we give in to them.  Yes we should remember the tragedy but we should also remember the good in the world, celebrate it and not live in terror any more.

We all have to find a safe place, in ourselves, in the world and in others that no one else can touch, and Alex is that safe place for me.

I know I wrote this a day early but the fact is I plan to spend Sept 11th 2011 celebrating my relationship, my friends, my life and my joy in it, those are things no one can take from me by terrorizing me if I refuse to let them win.

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