Stumble and attitude

Usually I love the internet program STUMBLE, I give it a list of the things I enjoy looking at, health, self and home improvement, art, music, crafts, Gothic culture, and food and it lets me jump all over the internet to sites that people suggest.
And usually I love spending time every so often stumbling around the internet sharing cool stuff I find with friends.
But I don’t know if I didn’t eat enough today, if I am just more tired than I know or if it is PMS but after enjoying it for awhile I took a break and started to feel really blah.  It isn’t boredom so much as ennui, I have stuff to do, art supplies that desperately need sorting and inventoried, books to read, art to do even movies I could watch, but none of it interests me at this moment.
So I think I will go back to my old standby Stumble and waste some time and see if I start to feel better. Not so much.
They say attitude effects how you see things and I totally agree because the same kinds of sites I would usually enjoy enough to share with friends and add to my favorites list suddenly just made me feel worse.
Sites giving me great tips on green housekeeping that I would usually make plans to read and try after sending links to my hippy friends suddenly made me feel like a lousy housekeeper and a bad person for using my dishwasher.
The sites with great skin and hair care tips I usually love to save and try out this time made me feel like nothing can make me look better.  And the sites with dozens of ideas to make your life more enjoyable and to make yourself a nicer person made me feel as if I will never be better even though I usually think I am a pretty good person.  This time I just felt as if I can never be the person I want to be.
Pictures of amazing places I love looking at made me feel trapped by my lack of money and my health, art sites that usually inspire me made me feel incompetent and untalented.
And finally food sites I usually ignore or wonder how people can eat like that were making me feel as if I am being horribly deprived cause I can’t eat coke a cola cake and Dr pepper pulled pork even though they sound awful to me.
And I guess that is sort of the point, they do sound awful so my feeling deprived is dumb, just like it would of been dumb to keep stumbling around and turning things I would usually enjoy into a bad experience when I KNOW I will feel better about stuff soon.   I think that is the only way to survive a really foul mood, instead of digging in and destroying things by giving in and sharing your mood in a way that upsets others sometimes you have to walk away and say “this is not me, I am not always this way and it will pass.”
Then go sulk somewhere private for a short while and try to get over it.


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