That I can focus on

I am waiting in the front lobby of Gold’s gym for Alex to get done showering, with such long thick hair it takes him quite a while to wash it and I can use the time to write, now if there was not 3 different TV sets on, each on a different channel as well as the music on the workout floor, makes it hard to think.

We both really slacked when it came to working out this month, though I accept that it is mostly my fault, I just have been so tired and worn out lately. The sad thing is working out is one of the few things that will help me build my strength since rapid weight loss causes muscle degeneration.

On top of sheer laziness on my part there was Fandemonium, the fan convention we worked the first full weekend of the month and then the 3 or 4 days just to recover from 16 to 20hr days. After that I got dangerously dehydrated to the point that it took 4 days just to rehydrate and I just had no energy that week, finally I got a small infection due to long term dehydration and was on Antibiotics that made me feel awful for all 3 days I was on them.

So today I worked out for 30 mins in the pool and I plan to work out everyday this week until I am back up to 40 mins and then within two weeks I want to be working out about 50 mins a day. I may need to still do 40 in the pool and take an extra couple of ten minute walks during the day since after about 35 mins in the water no matter how pleasant it is I get cold and tired and just cant go on much more.

I need to build up my muscles so that I don’t get so many head rushes when I stand up and so I don’t feel so weak all the time. I also need to build them up so my skin wont sag so much, I have lost 120+ pounds in a year, no matter what I will have saggy skin but it doesn’t have to be so bad.

Also if I ever want to have my knees replaced I have to lose another 150 pounds, and that is Before I have any excess skin removed. Also they wont do it til I can prove that I can walk long enough and that I am strong enough to recover well from the surgery.

I honestly have lot of plans for after getting my knees replaced like learning Bollyrobics and getting a beach cruiser bike and a lot of people say why put it off? Well there is the fact that right now without new knees I can’t ride a bike or dance even if I was half my size.

I hate living for “someday” but I know that having those goals are part of what I need to keep myself motivated over the next few years, especially as my weight loss slows and I have to work a lot harder to lose. There are times when I know I can’t have something I want to eat, not without making myself sick and slowing my loss and having real, easily understood and conceivable goals keep me on track.

Yes getting my knees replaced is a goal but it is hard to imagine and generally just brings up thoughts of pain and recovery, I have no basis for having my knees replaced in my memory while I do remember dancing and sort of remember what riding a bike was like. Those are things I can focus on that don’t scare me like the idea of having my knees severed and having titanium parts installed and hoping they take and last and that I can recover well enough to walk. That is something I try not to focus on, now a bright red bike? That I can focus on.

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