Love vs infatuation

The difference between Love and Infatuation:

– Love lasts. Love is something that takes time to develop and usually grows stronger over time.

-Infatuation is like a bomb that goes off and then is gone, it is a chemical reaction that can not be sustained if it does not grow into love.
– Infatuation is superficial. Infatuation is all about the moment, about attraction and desire. It’s about wanting immediate gratification and sometimes pain, you want the other person like you want a drug, in fact it is nearly the same thing since the dopamine in your brain that reacts with infatuation is in fact a drug.

-Love is about the future and security. Love is about happiness, love is the willingness to sacrifice your own needs if need be, you want what is BEST for the other person even if it isn’t what you want.

– Love is mature. Love is something that starts out small and just keeps on growing. It is strong, like a tree, it may have growth spurts and hard times but it continues to grow.

-Infatuation on the other hand is more like a annual that grows really fast for one season then dies out of lack of fuel. Infatuation it is related almost totally to brain chemistry (hormones) run wild and the brain can not sustain those levels for long, where as love is only partially chemical, it is also based on thought and feelings that are sustainable and long lasting.
– Infatuation is obsessive. Obsession and infatuation are practically the same word. To be infatuated means to be momentarily out of your mind. Your desires and obsessions take over your common sense

-Love is just the opposite. It’s about feeling secure and grounded and knowing exactly how you feel, it is also hopefully knowing that it is returned. It is wanting what is best not just for them but for both of you, it is treating yourself well not just for yourself but because you know the other person would want you to.

– Love is beautiful. When you’re in love, you feel strong, full of life and happy. You feel secure and beautiful.

-With infatuation, you’re full of anxiety and worry, you may feel elated for periods of time but you then tend to crash as if from an emotional sugar high. You often feel as if you are less of a person because the one you desire does not return your feelings the way you want, even if you do establish a relationship you tend to feel as if you ”love” them more than they could ever love you.
– Infatuation is scary. When you are obsessed with someone, you are equal parts desire and fear. You want them, but fear you might lose them. Or fear they might disappoint. You fear a lot of things.

-With love, you learn not to fear, because you have learned to trust the one you love. Hopefully you have also learned to trust yourself and your ability to love and be loved as well as having realized your worthiness of both.
– Love is only the beginning. Love is a journey, one that you share with another whose heart is in your hands. As you go through your day you find things you wish you could share with the other person. You know that you do not have to radically change your self for that person and you do not have to buy their affections or attention.

-Infatuation is about getting through today and hoping tomorrow will be good too. Infatuation can in rare cases grow into love but it is a bad place to start since it sets the wrong tone for the relationship, You feel as if you need to change yourself or the other person and often feel as if you need to “win” the other person through gifts or actions that will suddenly make them “love” you. Infatuation is almost ALWAYS one sided, part of the obsession is wanting something you are being denied such as the other persons “love”
– Infatuation is pretty much purely chemical. Obsession is all about bodily chemicals and neurons firing and thoughts flitting in and out of your mind before they have time to settle. You become “high” off of your hormones and the dopamine that the excitement of uncertainty brings.

-Love is also chemical but they are stable and secure chemicals that the brain can sustain indefinitely, love is not just intense feelings but well developed thoughts as well. True emotions are not just the rapid firing of dopamine and hormones but instead are fully developed thoughts that give comfort and joy.

-Love is secure. Love is knowing your heart is for another, and that your love is returned. It is a shared thing that is more like a long road trip with many great things to experience and enjoy together, it is the desire to share thoughts and feeling without the fear that they will be mocked or discounted. You may have fears that take time to get over but you know you can talk them out and you will be heard.

-Part of the thrill of infatuation is not knowing if it will stay or go, not knowing if your feelings are returned or even if you really “like” the other person as a individual beyond your infatuation, you might fear that that person will not like you for who you are so you try to change, since there is no way to know how long these feelings will last or if the excitement will fade some people become addicted to the feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster so much that they can not sustain a long term relationship.

 

 

 

For the first time in my life I finally actually understand the difference between these two, not just know it, I thought that maybe the security and trust I feel for Alex was just my meds working right but I realize I have been on the same meds nearly 6 yrs now and in that time had many infatuations and a few very bad relationships. All through those relationships I obsessed, and feared and suffered. All through them I knew I needed to get out and couldn’t because of my obsession
That is not how I am with Alex, I trust him, something I have never done with anyone else. For the first time ever I am learning to let go of old fears, many of which are so ingrained in me I don’t even know I have them, to go forward without clinging so tightly to my past and my fears. Yes I have fears, yes they are hard to get past but I am trying and knowing Alex does not add all the strange and horrible fears that being other relationships have dumped in my lap.
Knowing him also makes me want to be a better person, makes me want to care for myself so that I can care for him. I hate exercise but I do it because I want to keep up with him even knowing he doesn’t mind very much when I lag behind.

For the first time in my life I can also for the first time in my life really and truly see a future that extends past next moth, next season, next year. I have always said “if we are together next month lets….” now I say “what do you want to do next summer?”

For the first time in 41 yrs I honestly have hope and I do not doubt that my feelings are returned.

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