Post Surgery, pain, no one can tell you what will be too much or too little for you to handle

 The annoying thing is no one can tell you ahead of time how much pain you will really feel since everyone is different, everyone experiences pain differently and there is no way to show you the pain for a moment in advance so you can say OH I don’t think I want that.

I have been doing really really well but now I am starting to face pain, the thing is I know it is most likely not nearly as bad as some people face with this same thing face from what I have read. But this is MY pain and I am the only judge of it. I realize my pain tolerance is odd, having suffered through horrible arthritis for over 5 years I have a slightly different pain scale than other people, where BAD starts is in a different place and where UNBEARABLE starts is probably dangerous in that I should have called someone or done something about it by then.

Also there is the fact I hate calling my Dr. or going to the ER for pretty much anything, either I am wrong and look like a wimp in my own eyes OR worse something is wrong and they have to do something serious to me.

Weird things hurt and other things that it seems should hurt don’t much at all, sleep is a release from pain and a gate way into it. When I sleep now it is on my back, not something I am use to at all but the pain and drugs have made it pretty easy actually though it is hurting my back a lot. I sleep on my back on a heating pad on low and if I sleep more than an hour or two I feel a lot of pain in my abdomen and lower stomach, from gas, from settling, from whatever and I have to get up and move around for a while before I can even think of laying down.

Not being able to lay on my side is painful in and of itself, I can’t watch TV in bed, I can’t cuddle the boyfriend the way I want and I can’t sleep how I like and more annoying for someone like me is no one can give me an exact answer as to when that wont hurt anymore or hurt just that little bit too much. People can’t tell me because everyone’s pain is different, everyone’s surgery is a bit different as are their bodies, someone might be good for laying on their side in 14 days or 30 or more so I am the only one who can define that.

There are times when I read about people who hate what they went through, who suffer odd pains or deficiencies YEARS later that I wonder did I do the right thing. The thing is I know that a lot of the out come of this depends on me, on me for once in my life REALLY towing the line, really doing the diet AND the exercise though I hate it. I can only hope it all gets easier in time, that I will actually develop a habit for it all, if not a passion. I have to hope that my interest and dedication for this lasts more than 6 months, my usual burnout point for anything, this is not a hobby, it is not a job, it is my life.

Anyway I haven’t weighed yet, I do that at the doctors office (I was retaining mass amounts of IV fluid before leaving the hospital 3 days ago) I weigh Tuesday and hope that I see a big difference or any for that matter to justify what I am going through.

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