Category Archives: pet peeve

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Random conversation #4275

“People don’t usually appreciate you and what you do for them until you are not there to do it for them anymore.”
“Then you know what? Those kind of people are not worth wasting time on in the first place. If they don’t appreciate me now what do I care if they appreciate me when I am gone? I mean if they don’t value me they must not need me that bad.”

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Stop bragging that you are crazy

“I’m crazy”
“I’m broken” 
“I’m tragic and flawed” 
“I’m damaged”
What you are is fucking bragging….stop reinforcing these things as if they somehow are the only things that make you special.
I see this non stop with a lot of people, wistful posts about how emotionally damaged they are, how they are truly frail and delicate of soul, how they can never be better and yet how it somehow makes them unique.  Nope it just constantly gives you a reason to not work towards being more than broken.
I am broken in many ways but I try not to post memes of how delicate a soul I have and how no one understands, people do, others have been through similar stuff and while few will have the exact combination of shit in their lives as you most can sympathize with a lot of it.
The more you energy you put towards telling yourself you are damaged the less energy you put towards fixing it.
How about being special because you over came adversity not because you are some tragic hero(ine)
Stop worshipping your failings and start rocking your abilities damn it.

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You know what? I am weak, I am broken, I am damaged, I just won’t let it stop me anymore….those statements are not the end of the story they don’t define me, they define my battle, they are what I aim to fix until I can say “I am stronger than anyone, even I knew.” “I fixed so much of what was damaged and I refuse to accept being broken as long as I am willing to work to fix those things”
So I may be damaged but only I can truly hold me back at this point and I am the only thing that defines me that matters.

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Just one of the joys of SAD

Here is my average schedule for most of the winter regardless of how much sunlight or therapy level lighting I get.
I wake up between 5 and 7 am no matter what,
Half way through the day (sometimes more than once a day) I suddenly out of no where feel exhausted and need to nap, but usually I can only sleep 30 mins and wake up still tired (except once in a while when I sleep 4 hours)
I will be fine til about 8:30pm, raring to go, and then suddenly I start to fade and by 9:30 I need to lay down.
Sometimes I wake up for 2 hours in the middle of the night and can get stuff done and sometimes I don’t and I CAN fight going to sleep if I have to but I tend to get cranky and my pain sensitivity goes mad.
So lately I thought that if I did not take the triad of meds that make me sleepy (gabapentin for spasms, PenNSAID for inflammation and Abilify for crazy) I might be able to stay awake longer at night and get stuff done.
Sounds logical right? Not so much actually.
If I don’t take them between 9-10pm I am so tired that while I am still awake I am unable to do anything then I wake up half way through the night in awful pain and have to take the meds anyway so that instead of waking up at around 6am full of my only burst of energy of the day as usual I wake up zombiefied.
Mind you it is still around 6am when I wake up but now I am doped to the gills and spend 2+ hours feeling drowsy, unable to drive and seriously unmotivated.
So I am now back to taking them at 9:30 and hoping I will be awake enough that I get stuff done tomorrow.

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Feeling attacked, having to give up sweet

Damn splenda, when I first ODed on it about 4 months ago I thought I was dying. I had just given up sugar and was reducing my shockingly huge caffeine intake by 70% and so I was drinking massive glasses of tea and realized that I been using 25 packs a day and getting horribly  sick. I reduced to no more than 7 a day and was doing fine but my body is never happy with what I want and sometimes I slip up and drink a few more.  The thing is now 10 is enough to trigger the reactions and splenda is actually harder to quit than sugar has been and I go through hell trying to give either of them up for long.

Symptoms include:
Dehydration and a miserable thirst despite drinking alot of water
all over body ache similar to the flu
Muscle weakness and horrendous joint pain,
A near migraine level headache
Itchy skin, especially my hands,
PMS type irritability,
None of which by the way is really touched by pan relievers.

I know it is evil stuff. My pain tells me that, I also know I have two different issues with my body that cause it to react badly to sugars. I am insulin reactive which makes my body treat even small amounts of simple carbohydrates (sugars) as if they were an even more highly addictive substance than they actually are.  I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which causes sugars to react badly with my moods causing foggy thoughts and depression as well as increasing my over all inflammation.
I know all of that but giving it up cold turkey is hell and the only way I ever have managed for even a month, giving up even 90% means the 10% triggers my insulin resistance and my cravings, and now even smaller amounts of splenda is triggering a toxic reaction.
I sort of am feeling sort under attack by … I don’t know…fate or something.
All my life sweets were my addiction, they were my crutch and security blanket and I am more than aware that they were killing me.  I ate myself up to 460+ pounds, I crippled myself and I now know that at least a good deal of my depression, chronic pain and other random illnesses I now realize were related to CFS were exacerbated by my ridiculous sugar intake.  I know I have to give it up for so many reasons but it just makes me so sad that I am someone whose body is so messed up that they can’t have even a little something sweet.
I work at giving up sugar and one of the few treats I was still able to enjoy was sweet hot tea or coffee and now it feels as if I can’t have any.
If I drink too much caffeine I either can’t sleep worth a damn or if I really drink too much I crash out for days. I can no longer drink sugars at all due to the weight loss surgery causing liquid sugar to react badly with my stomach, apspertame makes me sick as a dog eating grass and now anything more than 4 packets of splenda puts me in pain. Oh yeah and Stevia tastes like hay.
I know that I just need to stop, stop eating sugar for my health as it causes ahost of physical and mental issues with my weirdo body and now I just need to give up sweeteners all together.
And I really need to give up this feeling of being punished and stop being so lax in taking care of myself and I need to put my overall health and comfort ahead of momentary impulses for sweets and the temporary comfort it brings.

NOTE: All I can think about as I write this is whether I can justify a danish or not in the morning.  Crap I want to cry.

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I wish to converse, discuss or interact

I feel as if I am forgetting how to carry on real conversations that are not about gaming or other people, diverse subjects beyond pain and personal problems (mine and others)
I have forgotten how to express my interest in things without getting into a rant or being made to feel stupid and useless just because the other person(people) never wish to discuss anything other than their own very small spectrum of interests.
I do not mind talking to people about their personal interests and the things going on with their lives but except for a small handful of people with diverse interests and a willingness to discuss them as well as to converse on topics they are not personally passionate on but are willing to learn about I feel as if I simply irritate everyone when I seek to not discuss their personal holy grail of subjects. 
I really need to just hang out and talk about random subjects with people who don’t look at me blankly or tell me I am getting agitated and aggressive when I get excited about something. 
I am sick of feeling stifled and yet now a days I also feel as if maybe I have nothing interesting to say after all.

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I’ll Do It Myself

In my household that is not a statement it is a threat that carries quite a bit of weight since even though I almost always end up hurt because I over do I get impatient and try to do things.  Things that often involve me climbing on chairs and furniture and using my staple gun.

I hate hate hate that there is so much I can’t just go and DO around here like insulate the large garage door…if I was healthier and more stable I would drag the plastic and staple gun and a sturdy chair out and JUST DO IT. (ugh I hate that slogan, not everyone can Just Do It) Beyond the arthritis that has destroyed my knees there is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that causes me to suddenly become exhausted and messes with my balance.
Poor Alex has to not only deal with having to do the work eventually (even though he doesnt see why it bugs me so much) he also has to deal with the worry I will throw caution to the wind and do it anyway (I wish) and maybe hurt myself (not something I wish for) and on top of it he gets to deal with me being angry at myself for being too weak to do it and the fact that I often take it out on him.
I have an amazing husband and I just wish I could make life easier on him since he deserves better than me feeling so upset about it.

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Adventures in home appliances Part 2

YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!
Even though I said I doubted I would get to it I worked on the washing machine, I moved the dryer and the washer AGAIN and not only did I tighten the ring clamp on the outlet pipe with the back of a mother%$#&ing GINSU knife (cause I am so freaking smart right) but I used my way too small wrench and tightened the hoses to the back that were leaking all over and only got it stuck on part of the hose once.
THEN I reached over the machine and carefully turned the dial to Delicate to add water to the machine to test the drain hose and the hoses I had just tightened when the GAWDDAMNED&%$*&%# DIAL BROKE OFF IN MY HAND!!!!
REALLY??????
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
BTW I used the wrench to push and pull and twist the dial so I could test it and it doesnt freaking leak, thank you very much!!!

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Rant, rant, rant

Proof that the Average person is fucking stupid…Firefly, The Unusuals, Wonderfalls and many other quirky, amazing but mostly INTELLECTUAL, shows do not survive a season and Jersey Shore is on it’s 5th season and how long has those Kardashian bitches been making themselves look like fools?  For that matter there is a reason magazines like Star, People, Us, the Equirer or whatever are on the checkout stand and you have to search for decent magazines that don’t rot your brain.  Same with food for that matter, you practically have to go to the store armed with more information than is in a decent sized book just to figure out what is healthy because people are willing to eat any crap they are handed.
this is why I don’t have a tv that is connected to digital or cable (just dvd and a gaming system) and why I buy less that 25% of our food premade and always read labels.
sorry to rant but it seems that we live in a world that panders to the lowest common denominator where people are concerned and shun intellectualism as “snobbish” and boring and even with “geek chic” we act like being smart is somehow a fast way to be a loser.
End of rant

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ANNOYING THING #116

ANNOYING THING #116: coming up with a design idea for your house on your own and then a month later having the exact same idea go “viral” on Pinterest and design sites.

I have wanted a “gallery wall” since I saw the way the art in old Bohemian/Victorian rooms were displayed years ago then was reminded of it last year at the Valentines for AIDS display and have been working on it for a year (adding art as I make it)…now you cant take a peek at any design site without finding a how to do an instant Gallery wall page, to me the whole point is to be eclectic with what goes up there, different shapes and types of art work.

So many of the sites suggest putting everything in matching frames or to fill up the space with pages of scrapbook paper or material in frames…really???

I am still doing my mixed up gallery wall and I am still putting my own art up bit by bit but it does make me laugh…Same as my using maps a few years ago and you not being able to open pinterest without stumbling across half a dozen map projects. Not saying I dont get ideas from those sites, I do but I bet the person who put a bird and branch on their wall 4 years ago feels a little peeved that it is now a cliche.

some of the stuff going on my wall

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Civil rights are not the property of any one group

There are people who say that the LGBTQ Civil Rights movement should not be equated to the Black Civil rights movement of the past… they say this as if one single group has a right to claim the term Civil rights movement but in fact it is exactly their civil rights that LGBTQ people are fighting for, they simply want “gender choice and Sexuality” to be added to the list along with race, color, national origin, disability, age, sex, and religion

Here is what the government says CIVIL RIGHTS are

http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/civilrights/faq/86.html

What are civil rights?

“Civil rights are personal rights guaranteed and protected by the U.S. Constitution and federal laws enacted by Congress, such as the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.

Civil rights include, for example:

freedom of speech,

the right to vote,

due process of law,

equal protection of the laws,

and protection from unlawful discrimination.”

Why should the person you love or the gender you identify with keep you from having the same rights as others?

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Slut, or how easily I could make you into one

I see some people use the word SLUT a lot as an insult to women they think behave in a way they don’t aprove of…and there in lays the rub…sluttiness isn’t really all that much about what a woman does but what people think she does.  I wonder if those same people realize how easy it would be for themselves or someone they love to get a reputation?
dye you hair red or blond? How slurry (in some countries those are colors only prostitutes wear)
Wear a skirt between knee and crotch? You would be surprised by what some people consider way too short
Same goes for spaghetti strap tank tops or not wearing a bra (no matter how small you are)
Date lots of different guys? Especially ones who know each other or who are older?  even if nothing happens you could get a reputation pretty quick as either a slut or dicktease.
Talk even jokingly about sexually charged subjects? Dirty jokes, sexy books, yaoi, sex toys…he’ll even talking about safe sex info could brand you a slut.
Be overweight…be short….be busty….be flirty …. be friendly with guys….yep you could be considered a slut.
In the long run it just matters what people THINK so maybe before you go throwing that word around you might want to stop and think a bit first

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Response (Rant) to yet another stupid FB RePost

This one is going around on Facebook and it is SOOOO fucking annoying I had to rant a bit:

“”Let’s be clear on this: OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. An American soldier, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!!!”"

Sorry but no I DON’T agree and I am sick of seeing such crap all over the place.

Yesterday I compared this ongoing War in the middle east and the shit Obama is getting about “his war” to a nuclear meltdown that someone else started (George Bush and the government in charge back when it all started, well before Obama was involved in any way) you don’t, can’t, turn something so dangerous and complicated off with a switch, it doesn’t work that way and anyone who thinks it should be that easy deserves to go into the reactor themselves.
Sorry to rant, I hate that we have sent soldiers into the middle of this “reactor core” and I wish we could have them home today, hell yesterday, but this war became a web of fail a long time ago and if you yank any part of it all at once without finding out what is connected to what you will have a great big dangerous pile o’ FUCKED UP,
Yes I think they need to be working harder to get it figured out faster but I don’t even begin to presume that it is easy or that any one person is purely to blame for this mess, even Bush.  I also don’t presume that I know how to stop it, that I know what either the soldiers, or even the politians who honestly want to try to get them home, are going through, one set face hell daily and the other hopefully are facing their conscious and all we can do is hope it all ends soon.
No one I know of, and I am a serious fucking Democrat, has claimed that Barack Obama killed OBL, and no one who knows what they are talking about thinks he was the one fighting to cut pay or fail to pay soldiers.  Debating it? Yes. Because well he had no choice but to debate the asses who thought they could hold this country’s budget hostage by threatening our troops (now those are real terrorists in our midst)
If you want to help the solders get home sooner stop REPOSTING someone else’s comments to Facebook and start contacting politicians (every fucking day if need be), protest in the street, get people involved and accept that it probably wont have a hell of a lot of effect but do it anyway.

Feel free to disagree with me, this is a free country and I am a person with opinions which means I accept other people have opinions as well.

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5 compliments not about my weight I would love to hear

I am proud that I have lost weight and I love my family but in 90 minutes I heard “OH my you have lost so much!” Or “you look so amazing now that you lost weight” about 35 times.  That is not to say there were no other compliments this Christmas eve but when I got home I saw this article and it made me think… why do we always first seem to compliment someone on losing weight?   Are there better things or even just other things we could say first?

So here are the 5 non weight related compliments I would love to honestly hear this year:

#1 “Wow you look so young and vibrant these days!”

#2 “You seem so happy and so does Alex!”

#3 “You know I always love to hang out with you, your so fun to be with!”

#4 “I am always amazed at how creative and artistic you are”

and

#5 “Your Hair (skin/eyes) looks so good today, so healthy”

These could easily be followed by comments about my fashion sense and my intelligence and I wouldn’t say no…LOL

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“Keep Christ in Christmas” .. Really? Do you REALLY want to go there with me?

Before we go any farther let me state this, I love winter holiday season, as short hand I tend to refer to it as “Christmas” and I dont have a problem with it.  I am a celebrant Agnostic with semi-pagan leanings, meaning I dont know what all I believe in but give me a reason to party and dont force your beliefs on me and I am there, it also means that I like SOME of the pagan stuff a lot better then I like most of the rest of the belief structures I have studied and I have studied a lot.

If one more person tells me to “Keep Christ in Christmas” I am going to beat them about the head and shoulders with a YULE LOG and stab them with HOLLY, then sacrafice them on the SOLTICE….. OK OK maybe not since I am basically a peaceful person with no ill will to anyone I just want these people to at least accept that their religion took over the religions of many other people to come up with the Christian holidays.  Yes I said Holidays, it happened over and over but all I am focusing on right now is Christmas/Yule/Saturnalia/Winter Solstice/Hanukkah, you know the end of the year, start of winter holidays.
My theory has always been that you can change/steal a persons beliefs but keep your hands off of their celebrations… so when the Christians came knocking on the pagans’ door they said:
“Oh no you have it wrong <No really you believe the wrong stuff, I have a big shiny metal sword and a lot of people to prove it to you if you want> but we are here to set you strait and explain how all those annual parties you have… well they are GREAT, We LOVE them…. but you have the wrong names for them and we will still party with you but you are doing it for the wrong reason… let me explain…. oh you dont mind if I bring my swords and my friends in while we have this little conversation do you?”
I dont have a problem with you if you are Christian, I am just saying do a little research and be honest with yourself.
Jesus was not born on Dec 25th, even a lot of the religious sites I checked admitted that Jesus was born most likely in the Spring but as one site claimed  “The will of god hides it from us”?????? OK
Back in ancient times just about every culture, certainly in Europe and Mediterranean had a winter/solstice/year end celebration, all of which fell on or within days of Dec 25th and Christmas as we know it is just a mismash of those mixed with some Christian Ideals and some more modern traditions.
If you are Christian and Christmas is a time for you to celebrate the joy that the faith in your god gives to you well more power to you but DONT force me and others who are not of the same belief to share your beliefs, I dont force you to share mine.

http://www.history.com/topics/christmas

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Hating the neighbours hating this day

My neighbours are horrible people, I mean really horrible, they scream all the time and I can hear every foul word that comes out of their mouths and if that was not bad enough the people they scream at are about 2 and 4 year old boys.

Not that their children are angels, far from it, they run through the apartment screaming and seem to spend most of their time jumping off of their beds or kicking walls but then they are children who apparently have no more guidance than the continual “SHUT THE FUCK UP” being screamed at them. On top of that they cry, not like your average children but for long long periods of time and with a sound that seems to be terrified or hurt, often 20 to 30 minutes at a time 5 or 6 times a day on a good day.

It is bad enough that I hear every step and movement from upstairs including that of two people under 55 pounds but to hear nearly every other word because it is shouted or screamed is just getting to be too much.

I have complained to the landlords about 6 times in the last year, something I have not done about anyone in the 20+ years I have been renting apartments. In fact looking back I have made exactly 3 complaints to the neighbours themselves I had over the years and I have made easily twice that to the ones upstairs in the last year.

There have been times when I have honestly worried about the safety of the children up there and so there have been 2 times I called the police something I have never done to a neighbour. This morning it sounded like the man upstairs was going to harm the kids (something I have never actually been able to prove is going on sadly since no one will do anything without blood I guess)

I went and spoke to the landlord and they keep insisting I sit down with the neighbours but I don’t want to, I tell them I have spoken to the neighbours half a dozen times, begged them to be quite when I was sick to no avail. I told them I don’t want to talk to them because they will act as if they don’t know what I am talking about and then I will finally blow up and tell them what I think of them which would not be pleasant.

I leave to go shopping and half an hour later the landlord calls me “T’Rina I have the neighbours sitting here in front of me, they are mad you called the cops.” so basically she has just confirmed that it is me that call the police and she says “I think you should sit down with them and talk.”

Mind you I can hear their children screaming up a storm in the background.

I told her “No, I don’t intend to because they will lie to my face and say they don’t know what I am talking about, I just don’t care anymore since it seems neither does anyone else. I give up, I wont call you, I wont call the cops they can continue to do whatever it is they are doing to torment their kids, each other and me.”

By this time I am in the store in tears.

“If my lease was up today I would be out of here by Friday as it is I will be out in august whether they live here then or not, it has simply gotten to the point where I can barely stand being in my own apartment after over five years.”

She told me she was sorry that this upset me so much and said goodbye.

My entire day has been ruined by these people, my enjoyment and comfort in my apartment has been ruined by them and I am starting to not care if they kill each other as long as the blood doesn’t seep through the floor.

I am one of those seemingly unusual people who enjoys silence and who can also usually ignore noise, as much as I love music I often go all day in my house without the music on or even the TV (well computer television and netflix, I don’t watch regular TV) and now I feel I have to have one or the other on at all time during the day (they start in around 6 or 7 am and often go til 10 or even 11pm) just to cover a small amount of the noise.

I don’t mean to sound like a bitchy old woman, I am just totally worn out with these people. I have a sleeping disorder partly because of the arthritis and partly because of the meds I take, I tend to sleep for only 2 to 4 hours at a time but I do it about 3 times a day for anywhere from 6 to 10 hours a day and with all the screaming for most of the day and part of the night I just don’t even seem to get a lot of that sleep.

Anyway I am going out tonight in the hope of just plain avoiding the noise and now depression that is overcoming me. Hopefully I will learn to ignore it and get over it.

　

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Pet peeve “button your damn shirt”

total and raging pet peeve of mine, guys walking around bars with their shirts hanging open to me is as bad as a woman hanging out….litterally hanging way out of her clothes, the same as cameltoe and guys with faded inseams. 

No matter how good looking they are it just annoys me.

I would think it is because I am getting old and crotchety but the fact is it would have annoyed me at 20 I am just old and crotchety enough now to mention it…lol